Graduation

Hey person reading this!

I'll probably start up again a little after I graduate college.

Deal? Deal.

So Yeah...

Those music blogs are officially gonna be in Duke Nukem Forever deadline. They'll be done when they're done. I'm working on launching my hockey blog, so sorry. More news on that blog soon though!

3 Month Check-in

Hello Faithful,

I'm just checking in to give those of you a heads up who poke around a bit to remember the old times when I wrote 3 times a month. Well, I do have some columns backlogged for next year, but I am planning a summer long series over the summer where I chronicle some personal music lists. I'm sure it doesn't make up for the lost year, but it's something.

My goal this summer is to write lists with substance, as I read my old lists and the highlight is not my writing style, but the lists or videos themselves. It's a lazy style, and I wish to add both humor and information into my content, so that it is enjoyable to read and not just to look at.

Hopefully I will get my chops up so that I can write well all next year, and have a bunch of good entries and not just 2, and filler in between.

So see you in about 3 months, internet.

Year Off

Dear everyone who reads my blog (yes, all 5 of you),

I have decided, in an effort to avoid staleness (too late) in my thoughts, to take a year off from blogging. I plan to come back to it next year, and in the meantime will think of better blog ideas. If something comes up in current events that I have thoughts on, maybe I'll post something here, but for the most part, I think I'll just be waiting. Each time I think of my blog, it has become more of a chore than a fun activity for me. So I'm taking some time off, rather than forcing updates twice a month.

See you next Christmas,

-Bender

Top 15 Viral Videos

I would like to begin this post by stating that I am not a racist. That being said, people do stupid things all the time. Sometimes the Internet takes notice. When this happens, a magical concoction is created to form the viral video. Most of you, I would hope, have seen all the videos in this list. If you haven't, you are in for a treat. These are some of the funniest videos on the Internet.

Note: As a rule of thumb, I am only judging viral videos in their truest form. Which is, videos that were not made to become famous. There is always some form of unintentional comedy behind it. Plus this list is subjective. I will say right now that Star Wars Kid and Numa Numa have not aged well, and will not appear on this list, though I will give them credit here, as I know they must be mentioned. This was when the Internet was in its awkward pubescent stage. And as a new twenty-something, it needs more creative forms of comedy.

So, in reverse order...

15) Nintendo 64

The sad part about this is, I got a Nintendo 64 at a similar age, and I believe I reacted in a similar way. Luckily, my parents were nice enough not to tape it and put it on the Internet.

14) Afro Ninja

A classic. The aimless waving of the nunchucks after braining himself on the floor gets me every time.

13) Ginger Kid

There's a simple formula for videos like this. If someone has an inane cause and gets overly angry at anything against him or her, it is funny. It's a tried and true formula. Just remember, to observe it is funny, to actively anger a child is bullying. We laugh behind the glass for a reason.

12) Boom Goes The Dynamite

This is like an early episode of "The Office". It is unbearable to watch, but at the same time, so funny you can't look away.

11) Leeroy Jenkins

I almost didn't want to do this video, as it ended up being staged, but still, it has the aroma of a randomly taped raid, and the results were indeed hilarious.

10) Double Rainbow

While the auto-tuned remix is a much better video, the original is still pretty funny. Also, the fact you can now get overly excited about anything boring and make it funny by adding "all the way" or just screaming "oh my god, oh my goooooooooohahaaaad" is a great addition to our culture.

9) I Like Turtles

He's a great zombie.

8) I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This

Further proving that English accents make anything hilarious.

7) Don't Tase Me, Bro

A video that has lost popularity as of late, but still a classic that needs to be seen. Even if it's a bit disturbing.

6) Montgomery Flea Market

It's just like, it's just like, a mini mall, HEY HEY!

5) Charlie Bit My Finger

More cute than funny, but try finding someone working a 9 to 5 in a cubicle that hasn't seen this video and enjoyed it.

4) Leprechaun

The first of 3 news reports where clearly the news reporters are making a mockery of the African-American southern population. I'm no racist, but this is hilarity.

3) David After Dentist

The only thing funnier than this video, is the Christian Bale version.

2) Bubb Rubb

This was my all-time favorite viral video until this summer, when it got passed by what everyone should probably have guessed by now. But the whistle tips video is pure gold from start to finish. Even watching Bubb Rubb pull out of the parking lot is hysterical. Also gave me a great line when people complain about me being too loud. "Should be up cooking breakfast for somebody."

1) Bed Intruder

The thing one should remember about the Bed Intruder video is that it's based around a legitimately scary event. That being said, Antoine Dodson is probably one of the only people on this list that is actually a smart and sympathetic figure. All he's doing is defending his sister, and after dealing with a traumatic event, he passionately made his plea to a cameraman. But with the all the catchphrases and the song, there is little doubt that he is now the Michael Jordon of viral videos.

5 Underrated Presidents

I know, it's been a while. I've had a few ideas on some lists and blogs to do, but have not had the time to do them. But I figured I'd bang out this list real quick to give my fans something to do while watching "The Walking Dead" and reading Cracked articles.

The US of A has had a history of memorable leaders. When people tell you to rattle off good presidents, the same 5 or 6 usually come to mind (Washington, Lincoln, FDR, Teddy Roosevelt, Jefferson, and either Reagan or Clinton depending on your political affiliation). And bad presidents, the same thing happens (Buchanan, Pierce, Harding, Andrew Johnson, Bush, and either Reagan or Clinton depending on your political affiliation).

This list is a bit vague, as its hard to rank what some people find underrated. Looking at the different presidential ranking lists, it was hard to rank what presidents get the right amount of respect. Personally, and this is probably only me, but I find that Truman, Eisenhower, Madison, and JFK, though good presidents, usually get their due, so they will not appear on this list. Also, I find Andrew Jackson overrated. He's a good president, but he really divided the country (a party called the Anti-Jacksonian party was created in his dishonor) and made some certain people walk a bit. Though, if this were a list of most baddass presidents, things would be different.

So I present to you, in no particular order, some presidents that deserve more love.

James K. Polk:
Polk gets on this for the simplest of reasons: he set a goal and completed it. His goal was Manifest Destiny. The simple form of his goal was to expand America from ocean to ocean to spread and protect Democracy. All it took was knocking out Mexico and then tossing some cash on it's comatose body. Polk did this despite having opposition from the Whigs, who thought this war was rather gratuitous. The Whigs had some big political names at the time, including a young lad named Abraham Lincoln, who would also conquer an entire region for Democracy, but for more reasonable/less baddass reasons. Also, he gets points for a Seinfeld reference.

John Adams:
John Adams is often looked at as a weak president. Sandwiched between 2 of the greatest presidents in history, Adams got cold-cocked by a French war and got mauled for signing in the Alien and Sedition acts. But really, if you look at Adams from an optimistic standpoint, he really aided early America. He built up the Navy, made a diplomatic resolution with France, and gave power to his main political rival (Jefferson) when he wasn't re-elected. Washington handing over power was considered a ridiculously honorable thing, and something that was expected of a man like Washington. But Adams must've been salty to how his presidency played out, but rather than throwing a fit and becoming a dictator, he honorably stepped down to his nemesis.

John Q. Adams:
The weird thing about Quincy is most of his big moments occurred outside his presidency. He helped with the Monroe Doctrine before his presidency and was a member of the House of Reps. until his death, literally collapsing in the House of a cerebral hemorrhage. However, he still managed a decent presidency, and owns one of the greatest "eff you" moments in presidential history, with the Tariff of Abominations, after the South tried scheming against him to make him look bad. At least we know JQA keeps it real.

James Monroe:
A tall skinny guy makes a great stick.

Woodrow Wilson:
Wilson gets his credit where it's due, but seriously, he's a top tier president. If Wilson would've been president during World War 2, he'd probably be in the top 3. If the Republicans had allowed Wilson into the League of Nations, which he basically created, there may not have BEEN a World War 2, as the League may have prevented Hitler's rise to power. All because the Republicans didn't wanna protect Luxembourg. Damn you Luxembourg, you ruined Wilson's legacy, most of Eastern and parts of Western Europe, television in the 1940s, and my late grandfather's right butt cheek which got hit with mortar shrapnel in the Battle of the Bulge. You damn alcoholics!

10 Girly Bands I Like (And Why I Like Them)

I like to think of myself as a man. Maybe not a man's man, but certainly not a sissy. However, when my favorite movie is 3 months of waiting away from being (500) Days of Summer, and I like watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge, I have to start looking in the mirror to make sure I still have a penis.

In my defense, sticking to my guns and not conforming to social norms does make me sort of strong-willed (Right society? This makes me cool...right?). So I will now announce, in no particular order, what me girliest bands that I like are, and will even explain why I like them. And none will be "it makes girls think I'm sensitive". As far as you know.

1) Silversun Pickups

I used to not like them. Their song titles made me hate them. The lead singer's voice bothered me. The feedback they played as they opened for Muse made me deaf. But now, I've done a 180 on them. I find their song titles clever, their lead singer has grown on me, just like Coheed and Cambria's did. However, their feedback was still total bullshit. But I'll give them a pass.

2) Shiny Toy Guns

To my credit, I only have really listened to them with their old female vocalist. Even still, that CD always gets me a look when I listen to it in my dorm room. But seriously, listen to "Rainy Monday", I'm a big fan of bands like Muse that can make the spacey-distant feel to their songs.

3) The Shins

So I love Garden State. Garden State tells me listen to The Shins. I did. Maybe it's blind association, but their acoustic feel really does make for some nice, laid back music.

4) Owl City

Indefensible, I know. It is one of the few bands that makes me feel impossibly happy. And I'm not so much of a critical, cynical bastard that I hate fun.

5) Motion City Soundtrack

I'm one of heterosexual males on the planet that still likes the song "The Future Freaks Me Out".

6) Monty Are I

Fun fact about this band. I never really see any song from "Wall of People" come up on my iTunes shuffle except for the rousing "Only the Weak" which makes the entire room stare at me. Though I've started to hate that song, I still enjoy the band.

7) Oasis

There was a long time in high school, before I got into Offspring and White Stripes, where "(What's the Story) Morning Glory" was my favorite album. It still is one of my favorites though, as it does a great job of being catchy and deep at the same time.

8) MGMT

Though I have to say, I didn't enjoy their new CD, "Oracular Spectacular" was amazing, and one of the few synth-rock/synth-pop albums I've ever really loved. They're strong lyrically and musically, a hard balance to achieve.

9) Regina Spektor

Though this is less girly, and more just wimpy. Actually, if you picture anyone in Alabama playing Regina Spektor, it's a pretty funny scenario.

10) Matt & Kim

Wikipedia has their genre listed as "dance-punk". I think they are far away from punk, but hey, if that makes me more edgy, I'll take it. The drums in this band are phenomenal, and every song they do is snappy and lyrically clever. There aren't many bands out there with lyrics as strong as them.